Sorry Pizza

I realize it’s Christmas, so first off .. Merry Christmas and happy holidays if you celebrate other things.

As my gift to you all, here’s a little story about a time I blacked out that resulted in me apologizing via .. the legendary “Sorry Pizza.”

The year is 2015, I’m a senior in college at CU Boulder. My days consisted of studying aka day drinking and my nights consisted of night drinking. 

One night I was out with friends and me and my friend Zach decided we were bored and wanted to go party elsewhere. We both played lacrosse for the club teams, and we decided to go to one of the lacrosse houses where the some of his teammates lived. They usually had parties so I thought, sick.. let’s go! 

 Zach and I bust into the house to find four dudes playing video games. Sick! Given the state we were in we didn’t let this rain on our parade. We proceeded to the kitchen, hell bent that there was a party occurring. We found no party in the kitchen so we decided to have one ourselves. We kicked it off with throwing the fridge door open and diving in. We started eating pizzas, leftovers, really anything we can get our hands on. 

You know the scene in Stepbrothers where they are sleep walking and wreaking havoc in the kitchen? That was us. Once bored from eating we decide, to go feral and add protein powder to the mix. We Lebron James the protein powder like we’re about to step into a championship game. 

The boys in the other room finally caught on and ran in to tell us we needed to leave. I’m pretty sure I had pizza sauce smeared across my face and a thick dusting of protein powder.. all over my body. I looked over like a deer in headlights not comprehending their requests. I think my eyes might have been going in different directions.

Eventually we got the message and started to leave, before leaving I turned to one of the guys and yelled “you’re a loser” or something along those lines. Again, 90% of these details were relayed to be after the facts and 10% remain as a scar in my memory. 

Zach and I then stumbled over to the other lacrosse house. It was like we just found land again. We were greeted cheerfully by our friends and then we passed out on the couch. Our friends took this as an opportunity to build a fort over our passed-out bodies. We woke up hours later under a pile of tables, chairs, pillows and blankets. 

Waking up after a five-hour blackout under a pile of chairs may be one of the more disorienting moments of my life. I looked at Zach, asked him what happened as if he had any idea and then I wandered home. 

help was needed

(The next morning) 

I woke up to a text from one of the guys at the house. They weren’t happy to say the least. I still wasn’t sure what I had done but I knew it wasn’t good and I needed to apologize. I called up the local pizza place “Cosmos” and I told them I needed them now more than ever.

The guy on the other end of the phone could hear my desperation so he gave into my pathetic request to have the pizza say “sorry” in pepperonis.

I was able to connect with one of the guys at the house who would still speak to me to make sure someone was home to accept the apology pizza. He later texted me a photo of the pizza thanking me.

 Eight years later I am sure those guys either still hate me or have forgotten I take up space on this planet, but this story still makes me and my friends have a good laugh. I hope I was able to give you all a little chuckle. If not, then it was just me sharing an embarrassing story for no reason.

Cheers!

Oh, and as always, thank you for reading. Feel free to comment topics or stories you would like me to share.