a blog post about love
About two months ago, Troy and I recorded an episode of Bonding, his podcast I co-host and at the end we opened up about our experiences with love and relationships. We shared a lot, we kept asking one another if we wanted to remove what we were saying in the edit to keep it between us but we stood by what we said and we shared it in the episode. Troy took it the next step and clipped it and shared it to his personal YouTube channel. The clip (linked at the bottom) now has over 45,000 views and over 150 comments (most of them supportive) and it has made me want to share more here.
People have thanked us for opening up about something people often don’t speak about. Most of the time when we talk about love we share the good. We see engagement photos online, we celebrate love at weddings in grand displays, often over the top. We don’t show the tears, struggles, fights and heartbreak along the way.
We all have our own stories of love. At 30 I look around, almost all of my friends I grew up with are engaged, married or have kids. I certainly don’t have a ring on my finger and I am in no rush to look down at my hand and feel the weight of “forever.”
I learned early in life the pain love can cause. I was 16 when I found out that my boyfriend of two years cheated on me with a close friend while many of my friends knew but kept it from me. At the same time my parents were going through a very messy divorce. It was as if love exploded and left nothing but carnage behind. I watched my parents fight like toddlers over things like, who gets the house, I felt alone, the one person I gave everything to stabbed me in the back while my friends stashed the bloody knife. Add being a moody little teenager and we really hit the trifecta.
I get that I am now 30 and I should move past this, and I have. I am very close to my high school friends, they are like sisters to me. I have had healthy relationships and I have accepted that love doesn’t always last. I understand why my parents got divorced, I am even glad they did. I will admit that these experiences are a part of me and dictate how I navigate love. I don’t ever want to feel that pain again. I don’t want to feel betrayed, abandoned or fight over who gets what when it’s all said and done. Do I think I can find a love that lasts until I die? (Or they die) …I don’t know. I guess it seems almost stupid to think I have to, or any of us “have to” ..the pressure society puts on us to pair off and procreate is a bit archaic in my opinion.
Maybe that is a hot take but something I have been embracing is that we all have our own paths. Every single one of us is on our own journey. There is no blueprint for life, especially in today’s day and age. Everything is evolving in front of our eyes. It’s amazing I didn’t just have Ai type this up. I am praying it won’t ever be able to explain someone's personal journey with love, but who knows. I know I don’t and I guess I like it that way.
I don’t know the point I am trying to make here, so let me put a bow on this.. I think the point is, everyone’s path is different. We have all experienced various versions of hurt and betrayal. These are the moments we don’t often share, it’s taboo but I think it’s important to share. When it’s normalized and shared, it no longer holds power.
Lean into whatever you are going through and remember, it’s like this now.
You don’t know what is around the corner …
but I think that’s the best part.