a lot can happen in a week
I feel like every week, a lot happens. Then again, I guess we only get 52 weeks in a year so it’s best to use each one wisely. This past week was a bit of an emotional whirlwind. I was home in Maryland with my sister to help our mom while she recovered from surgery, then drove back to NYC Wednesday, then back to Maryland for a show on Thursday and to stay home with my mom and now I am back in the office of the Greenwich Village Comedy Club typing this blog post.
I didn’t know what I was going to talk about going into this, so please enjoy my emotional word vomit below…
Getting older is hard, watching a parent get older is even harder. It’s sobering to see your parents need your help. After my moms surgery on Monday, she was still feeling her anesthesia and needed help with her socks. As I slid her socks over her feet I stopped for a moment and thought about all the times she had done this for me as a child. It was a weird moment, something I won’t forget. She is the strongest most independent woman I know, it was a reminder that sometimes we all need a little extra help. I also thought, shit I need to have kids so my little brat does this for me one day.
On Thursday, Troy and I had a show at Magooby’s Joke House in Timonium Maryland. This is a club I have always wanted to perform at ever since I started comedy. Troy sold over 300 tickets and I had some friends and family there so I was nervous excited. When we arrived the owner's son greeted us and gave us the rundown. It was news to both me and Troy that there was no host, so I would be the host. My first reaction was….what? Hosting is not easy, it’s your job to shift the room from a cold room of bodies, to hey this is a comedy show let’s all laugh and have fun. Troy and I have been on the road a few times but each time, I had a feature spot. I paced the green room and thought, well.. here goes something. It ended up going really well.. Or at least that was the feedback I received, who knows.
After the show, I hung around in the showroom for about an hour after catching up with my childhood friend I hadn’t seen or really talked to in years and people popped in to take photos with me. A lot of the people who came back into the showroom to talk to me were fans of the Bonding Podcast that I co-host with Troy. Some even mentioned reading this blog and told me I had helped them with their sobriety. I thought … great, I guess I have to stay sober now. (just kidding) I am staying sober for many other reasons other than the accountability of helping others.. Eye roll, blah blah blah. #holierthanthou. I am mentioning this just to say that I didn’t realize the impact or reach I have. My childhood friend who I had lost touch with even mentioned he had read this blog and listened to a few episodes of Bonding. Picturing him reading and listening, really warmed my cold dead heart.
Oftentimes it’s easy to feel alone and to feel like nobody gives a shit. Sometimes I throw myself a pity party and say things like, wah wah wah nobody cares about me. On days when I am not in my office or at a comedy club I can be alone for hours and hours and this is when the dark thoughts creep in. The devil on my shoulder leans in and gently whispers, “this is what happens when you’re single and 30 and all your friends have partners and are starting families.” Or just a straight and simple, “nobody cares about you.”
Anyone else? Just me? *screams into the void of Google Docs*
Okay, how do I put a bow on this…
I guess the lessons here are, a lot happens in a short amount of time, things shift, you can go from being cared for to caretaker. You can go from not speaking to someone for many years to learning they have been supporting you all along from afar. You learn that you can do hard things and that things will be okay. You are not alone, even when you feel like you are. So let’s have a good week, after all there are only 40 weeks left in the year.
XO