An Interview with Troy Bond

This week I decided to do an interview. I asked fellow comedian and friend Troy Bond ten questions. Below are the highlights from the interview and the answers I could share. Some highlights included Troy sharing his love for Zira from Planet of the Apes, that if you rob him he will always have at least $20 in his pocket and that an owl escaped from the Zoo.

Enjoy!

What is something nobody knows about you? 

Troy: “I feel like I'm way too open (long pause) I don't know why this is the first thing I can think of but I was really into the Planet of the Apes movies when I was like 12 and I was so attracted to the main ape lady, Zira. I had such a crush on her. And I knew it was the just character because I saw the actress without the makeup on and I was like, ew put the monkey makeup back on.”

Me: “So you’re into apes? Is that your secret?” 

Troy: “I think in that period of time I was. I was 12! Is that an excuse for beastiality?”

Me: “Something that nobody knows about you, is that you were into her, as a character? Is that what you want to say?” 

Troy: “I was attracted to her. Don’t get it twisted. I don’t want a misquote here.” 

Me: “Alright, moving on…..” 

What is one way people misjudge you?

 Troy: “Recently, it’s that I am short tempered.”

Me: “I wonder why.”…. (in case you missed it)

Troy: “Which is not wrong, but I am a pretty calm person. But I get why they would think that about me.” 

Me: “Yeah, you seem like you hate your fans… or I mean, your audience.” 

Troy: “I just hate the ones that are talking when I am talking. But I also could chill out.” 

Me: “Couldn't we all.”

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

Troy: “I would get penis reduction surgery, because it’s hurting my back.” 

Me: “Ok.” 

Where are you ten years from now?

Troy: “In prison probably. Take good care of the podcast while I’m gone…. No. Ten years from now? I want to be doing what I will be doing twenty years from now, doing this, working.” 

What is one of your happiest memories? 

Troy: “Probably the day my youngest brother was born, I can remember that. It was really special. I think what was most special was watching my other younger brother, Logan become a big brother. My dad got us both hats that said “Big Brother” they were blue. I remember everything about that day. I remember being happy for Logan.” 

What is your biggest fear?

Troy: “Rats.” 

Me: “You live in New York City.” 

Troy: (Goes on to tell a story about a rat eating owl that escaped the zoo…..In case you're infatuated)

Best advice you have ever received? 

Troy: “My dad told me, when I went to a dance when I was 13 to make sure I always had $20 in my pocket just in case. To this day I always …” (I cut him off)

Me: “Do you have $20 in your pocket right now?” 

Troy: (Reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wad of bills) 

Me & Troy: “Ha Ha Ha” 

Troy: “I meant to go to the ATM.”

What do you want everyone to know about you?

Troy: “I feel like I tell them everything that comes to mind. I don’t know that’s a hard one.” 

Me: “If they don’t know you at all, what is one thing?” 

Troy: “Massive cock.” 

Anything else you would like me to add?

Troy: “Am I getting paid?” 

Me: “Ok. I think this is my first and last interview. Thank you.”