A HOT TAKE ON CHRISTMAS

The holidays are here and in New York City Christmas trees are everywhere. Outside of grocery stores and on random street corners all lining the sidewalks. When I see them I feel Christmas cheer and then I think … you couldn’t pay me to haul a piney tree down the streets, via Citi Bike or Taxi? Then up a flight of stairs and into my tiny little apartment. No, nope, sorry. Call me the Grinch and brace for impact but I think Christmas trees are …stupid...gasp!

I mean let’s just break it down. We are living on a planet that is getting warmer by the day, we need trees (in the ground) now more than ever yet we are chopping down millions of trees (120 million according to Uncle Google) every Christmas season. Womp. I don’t know the details but it sounds like a lot of CO2. We should call it CO2mas. Ha I suck! 

Sustainability aside, my favorite part of CO2mas is all of the parents lying to their small children. Telling them that an overweight old man is flying around giving us gift wrapped covered shit to bring us joy. 

We (anyone who celebrates Christmas) all grow up being told a lie. For months leading up to Christmas, we are also told to “be good” or else Santa will give us a lump of coal. We are threatened and lied to… honestly hilarious. Bravo parents. Do I have trust issues? Sure, but it’s all in good fun. I love that parents today have doubled down with Elf on the Shelf. Shelf of lies.. Amiright?! 

Okay, all obnoxious grinchy insights aside, I do love the holidays. Everyone seems to be a little more cheery. It could be the extra time with friends and family or time away from work but this is the most wonderful time of the year (aside from all the days when it is 72 and sunny).  Let’s soak it all in while we can and before sad winter aka “swinter” arrives. 

Okay Happy CO2mas please don’t hate me for this one.. Maybe it’s all a lie and I love Christmas trees and I just Santa’d you.

XO! 

Swinter /sˈwin(t)ər/

Adjective:  January-March when it is dark and cold outside, the holidays are over and summer is too far away to provide hope or joy.