Saliva Linings

A story about silver linings … 

Last week a man spit in my face. Like.. not just a cute little “pew!” It was a mouthful .. not to be graphic. It was wild.. And it all went directly into my eyes. Sorry again, but these are the facts people! It gets better. I was an easy target because I had my head buried in my phone dissecting a harsh text from a friend.. talk about a double whammy. 

I was in shock. I wiped my eyes and even kept walking and then the rational voice in my head was like.. wait a minute. I looked back to see a man dressed in baggy dark clothes power walking south and four people all staring at me in disbelief. I walked over to them and they asked me if I was okay. Two of the people told me they worked in a hospital and that this had been happening a lot, which was unfortunate but oddly comforting, like oh nice, it’s not just me. They told me to rinse out my eyes and wash my face immediately. 

I ran across the street to a Duane Reade, purchased face wipes and eye solution, went back outside and stood over a trashcan and showered my eyes and face with eye solution. What a scene that must have been. Then, like the adult I am.. I called my mom. As I pulled up her contact in my phone I was gaslighting myself, like, you’re fine, you’re good, everything is fine. But as soon as I heard her voice, nothing was okay. I broke down. Walking north on Broadway, I was the basic white girl balling into her phone. A New York staple. It was the type of cry where you inhale like a toddler who didn’t get invited to the slumber party. Luckily, my mom being the baller she is, had me doubled over laughing within minutes. She told me to get myself home and reminded me that everything will be okay. 

Once I got home I posted an instagram story explaining what happened, for attention. Just kidding, I posted it in an attempt to help others. I had seen friends post unfortunate moments like this in the past and I always found them to be important reminders to stay safe. I wish I could go back in time and repost my story. I said that I was on my phone “like an idiot” and to not do what I did. I think I was still in shock and trying to rationalize the horrible thing that happened to me. Truth is, that it shouldn't have happened at all. But it did. 

Okay Torey, where are these silver linings? This all sounds pretty shitty (spitty) hehe… 

When I got home after posting the story I called my sister and a close friend. I talked to my friend for over an hour, it was a call we both needed. As I hung up, cookies were delivered to my door from my old roommate. This gesture was kind beyond words and meant so much. DMs poured in, other friends called and texted and suddenly I wasn’t a victim. I was loved. I was reminded of the army behind me, the love and kindness in the world. I went from feeling broken and alone to beyond lucky and grateful. 

I reconnected with people, felt the love of people I didn’t know well or haven’t met. It was truly amazing. I often demonize Instagram as a place where I spend too much time, comparing my life to others but in this moment, it was a source of love, kindness and most of all community. 

This post is dedicated to Katie Dennison. 

On Friday I posted to my instagram story a quote by Randy Pausch I posted - 

"It is not the things we do in life that we regret on our death bed. It is the things we do not. I assure you I've done a lot of really stupid things, and none of them bother me. All the mistakes, and all the dopey things, and all the times I was embarrassed — they don't matter. What matters is that I can kind of look back and say: Pretty much any time I got the chance to do something cool I tried to grab for it — and that's where my solace comes from."

Katie reached out to me and shared something with me that had me in tears once again, but this time tears of connection and love. I was so moved. She explained that what I have shared here in my blog has helped her on her darkest days. 

Katie and anyone here who I have helped, you are the reason I share these posts. 

There is so much going on in the world. I almost didn’t post today because of it but then I thought of her and everyone who has reached out to me. I love you, I am grateful for you. Thank you to everyone who is in my corner, my community, to all of you spreading love in a world that desperately needs more. Thank you. For every negative there is a positive, that’s just science, I don’t make the rules. 

In sum, try to look for the silver linings, I promise they are there. 

All my love & gratitude, 

Torey